I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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