haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
we're making bets on your personal life
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
