Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
