ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
