Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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