I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Randomize
