24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
If I had your ass I would rule the world
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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