Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
