ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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