dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
