you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
