i wish my penis had a tongue
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
