My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
