he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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