I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
