i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
