I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
