you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Ladies don't puke and tell
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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