True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
