Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
