Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
