Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
