Will you blow on my dice?
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Randomize
