did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
