why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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