all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Sorry my hands just texted you
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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