Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
