my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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