2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
