I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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