Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
