we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I have demons in me.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
