Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?

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(631): View more from New York

Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him

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(513): View more from Ohio

Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me

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(775): View more from Nevada

May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.

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(301): View more from Maryland

He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.

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(803): View more from South Carolina

Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?

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(845): View more from New York

I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.

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(316): View more from Kansas

Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!

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