You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
