yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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