**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
