The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
He passed out mid-signature
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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