i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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