I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
