Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
