Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
