In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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