My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
