Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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