If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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