I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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