just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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