We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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