Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
