this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
